Communication between home and school helps forge trusting relationships that are a powerful force in supporting learners. Finding a balance in the perfect amount of communication takes finesse.
Some families almost never check the agenda, e-mail or Dojo messages for a multitude of reasons. They might be busy, working multiple jobs or they take a hands-off approach with school. I fall in this category quite often for a combination of reasons, so these tips are meant to be mutually beneficial for teachers and families.
Loving education for the long run is all about finding balance and realizing that this is a profession, not your whole life. Yes, we want to stay in touch with families, but if you do a wonderful job for children, rest assured, families will know and they will appreciate your work. Even if you aren’t writing 3 page letters back and forth as if you are long lost pen pals. No one has time for all that!
Here are some tips for success:
The agenda book (or whichever tool you use) is not a tattle book. Avoid long drawn out explanations of issues in school.
Instead, jot a quick note and let parents know that there was a challenge and how it was resolved. Example - “Difficulty staying focused during reading today. We found success moving to a quiet reading space in the room.”
I always let families know that any note I sent just gave them a bit of information and I wanted the adult sending the child off the next morning to remind the child what they could do to make the day a success.
I would only write this note if I reminded the learner multiple times and after those reminders, I needed to be directive to get the child refocused. These notes are not for your general reminders. Notes home should be saved for times when you really want to reiterate your point.
Let’s be honest, if my elementary school teachers told my mom every infraction I made during school (Kristy never stops talking! PS - She is also VERY bossy.), then my mom would have lost her mind on a regular basis after working a full day and fighting through traffic to get home.
If an issue is serious (ex - it leaves a mark or causes a disruption to the learning of the class) - make a quick phone call to explain what happened and adaptations that the child will make to be successful the next day. And please remember to add in what you love about their child. They need to know you see and appreciate the whole person.
Definitely don’t call parents and tell them you have no plan to support their child. That will make them question your expertise. In really difficult situations I share, “Here is our challenge and the strategies that we’ve implemented to help your child be successful. Do you have some techniques that work at home?” Common language can be a big help between home and school.
When all else fails, I like to tell families about how weird my own children are and that we will work together to figure it out together. First - it is very true. Children are weird, and wonderful. I wish I would have known that as a teacher before I had my own small people. (I know many teachers that don’t have children and they completely and intuitively understand children and families. I just wasn’t one of those teachers until I became a parent and had to do penance for what I previously thought “parents should do about those children.”)
One final tip: If you have a bad day or are especially aggravated, give yourself some time and space before sending that message. It is always better to write or call when you are calm and collected.
Here is the exact language from my staff handbook if you would like to borrow or adapt it:
In contacting a parent, consider using the following structure -
Staff: Hi Mr./Mrs. Smith, I’m calling because we had a bit of trouble and were able to get back on track today and we wanted to share how we resolved the incident. Your child was very responsible and filled out a thinking sheet. I really appreciate their honesty and they also did a great job coming up with some alternate actions for the future. (State the issue and how it was resolved.)
**Remember, we cannot share information about another student because we can only discuss confidential student information with a parent/guardian. This includes issues at school and discipline. We cannot name the other child if another student was involved in the situation.
I generally tell parents, “I cannot give you any information about another child, just as I would never speak with anyone else about your child.”
If the child was harmed by another student, you may tell parents that the District/School Discipline guidelines will be followed in delivering consequences.
Close the call by asking the parent to send their child off the next day with a reminder about what great behaviors they plan to demonstrate the following day at school.
We want parents to know that every day is a new day, and that good kids make bad decisions. We take these bad decisions and turn them into teachable moments.
**Alternative phone conversation:
Hi Mr. /Mrs. Smith, Sara and I are calling you today for your support. Sara seems to be having a hard time staying focused today and we wanted to reach out and see if you can help.
(It is important to stay open and positive, and to ask the parent if they’ve tried any strategies at home that might help in the classroom.)
Remember – Parents send their children to school, trusting that we will provide love and guidance. Some parents are struggling and can benefit from a strong partnership that helps add more tools to their parent toolbox. ALWAYS assume goodwill and talk to them without judgment. It will pay great rewards in the future. Building this trust and rapport with families in the beginning of the year will make a big difference. If you would like an accountability partner adult in the school building, please reach out to the leadership team to help establish this process. Many times students will work hard for the opportunity to hear you compliment the child to another adult that they love and respect in the building. We are a family and we will act as such all year! Some children also need a bigger village to feel supported – we are here for you!